If Only You Knew
by eileenprince
Summary: It's the summer before her 7th year when Hermione Granger finds out she's pregnant. But she doesn't want anyone to find out.
1. Chapter 1

The test was positive; there was no denying it.

Those damn pink lines were glaring up at her, mocking her. When she figured it must be a mistake, she used the other test that came in the box and waited the few minutes it took for the results to appear.

And there were those two damn pink lines again. She decided then that pink was definitely the ugliest color ever created.

Without thinking twice about it, she threw the test angrily into the trash can next to the toilet, made her way into her bedroom, and fell ungracefully onto her bright blue bed.

Summer was almost over. Her luggage had been organized and packed two weeks prior (she just wnated to make sure she wasn't forgetting anything!) and were now bundled neatly in the corner of her bedroom.

Tomorrow she would be boarding the train at Platform 9 and 3/4 to go back to Hogwarts for her final year. This time, however, was different. Hermione decided she was, at this point, dreading going back. No longer would everything with her friends be the same. No longer would she fret for endless hours about Voldemort and Harry Potter and the War and doing good in school and Ron. Of course, Ron.

She gave a small laugh out loud to herself and then imagined she was going crazy. The thought of no longer having the energy or time to think about the one and only Ronald Weasley was funny to her. Of course she wouldn't be able to do that.

Not when he was the father...

But he wasn't going to know that. Not if she could help it. Maybe she could make it the whole year without anybody knowing, she lazily thought. Maybe nobody would be able to tell she was going to be as big as a whale. Maybe they wouldn't notice her raging hormones and out of control mood swings. Maybe they wouldn't notice her rushing off to the bathroom during lunch to empty her stomach unwillingly.

Yeah, she thought, maybe they just wouldn't notice.

And if they didn't notice, maybe she could pretend the whole thing wasn't real. Maybe she could erase her memory and forget that she ever slept with Ron that one night when he was drunk off Firewhiskey and they were drinking away the pain of Dumbledore's passing and their worries of the War. Maybe she could forget those two damned pink lines and the fact that she could feel the change in her body already.

Maybe she could pretend that she wasn't really pregnant.

Then she wouldn't have to confront her parents and tell them she had sex before marriage, which they would surely kill her for before Voldemort could even get to her. She wouldn't have to tell Ron that he was the father and that he was doomed for the next 18 years to be attached to her because they would be having a child together. Then she wouldn't have to tell her professors, who would obviously be displeased and demand she leave the school.

But it was real.

She felt the wetness of tears sweep down her cheek. Unfortunatel,y she thought, there was no denying it. She couldn't pretned it wasn't happening as much as she wanted to.

How was she going to do this? How was she going to cope with that fact that she was going to have a baby her final year of school? She was only eighteen, for Merlin's sake, and how could she even afford to care for a child at her young age?

Hermione's heart was racing. Of course she'd have something else to worry about during the middle of a damned war.

She picked herself up off the bed and decided, right then and there without second thought, that being pregnant had to be the least of her worries with somebody like Voldemort out in the world.

And she vowed NOT to worry about such things in her irrational mindset until after the war was over.

She could hide it, right? Nobody had to know. Why did they? They had better things to worry about than her pragnancy.

A knock sounded at the door and she sighed, sitting up in the bed and trying quickly to dry her eyes.

The door opened and her mother peeked her head inside.

"Honey, dinner's ready."

Hermione met her mother's eyes for a moment, a fleeting moment in an almost desperate attempt to convey that she desperately needed her mother's help, that she didn't know the first thing about being pregnant or raising a baby, that she was scared, and most of all, that she couldn't handle it.

But the moment passed and Hermione faked a smile.

"I'll be there in a second, Mom. I just need to pack a few more things for the morning."

WIth that, her mother matched the smile and left her room. Hermione fell back onto her bed once more, sighing.

Pregnant, she thought.

She couldn't believe she could have been so stupid.

* * *

A/N: New Hermione/Ron story. Tell me if you guys want me to continue with it.


	2. Chapter 2

Seeing Ron was even worse than she had imagined. It was weird how easily he could pretend that night didn't exsist, she thought, and for some reason she couldn't help but to feel a little hurt and angry. True, he probably didn't remember all the details as they had been terribly drunk, but if she could remember that it had atleast happened, she was sure that he had to have known that it did as well.

So why was he ignoring the entire situation? He obviously didn't like her the way she liked him, which was the worst part of it all. She felt her heart sink. That night wasn't what she had planned in the least, but she couldn't deny that she didn't enjoy being with Ron.

But she couldn't worry about that anymore. Ron didn't fancy her and that was even more of a good reason why he shouldn't know about her current prediciment.

The more she thought about that night though, she was almost positive somebody had punched their drinks. Fred and George came to her mind...

"Hermione! I still can't believe you made head girl!" Ginny's voice echoed through the Great Hall. For the first time, Hermione took her eyes away from Ron and forced a smile. "I mean, we all knew that you would of course, but it's so amazing. You're so lucky."

When she had first gotten her letter about Head Girl, Hermione had been ecstatic. It was something she had dreamed about for years. Now, after the unfortunate news however, being head girl was the least she could think about.

Atleast she got her own room though, that was the only pro about it all. She could finally have her space, and she definitely needed time to think about her future and her options.

"Thank you, Ginny," she said quietly.

At this point, Hermione noticed Professor McGonagall coming toward her. She whitened, quickly straightening her uniform and sitting up rigidly in her seat. The professors most definitely couldn't know and she knew that she had to be on her best beahviour until she had this whole situation figured out. If they knew... she could only imagine how quickly she would be thrown out of the school.

"Ms. Granger, your appointment will be tomorrow at eight AM. Don't be late," she said as she handed her a piece of parchament.

"I'm sorry, Professor?"

Professor McGonagall gave her a cold look. "Your counseling appointment, to review your career path after Hogwarts."

Hermione shook her head. "Of course, Professor. I will be there."

With a nod, Professor McGonagall made her way down the table, visitng each seventh year.

Hermione sighed. She had been dreading this since summer. When Professor McGonagall had asked her last year what her goals were after Hogwarts, her answer had been simple. She was going to do everything to help the war efforts and become an Auror, just like her friends.

Now she didn't know what she wanted. She definitely couldn't become an Auror with the pregnacy and the more she thought about it, the more she realized she had never really wanted to be one at all.

In fact, Hermione didn't know what she wanted to be after school whatsoever. And if she kept this child, she would definitely have to take into account the fact that she'd be caring for a child. Traveling wouldn't be an option and she'd need something stable.

Her mind was spinning again. She felt the anxiety bubbling in her chest. She couldn't do this. She couldn't handle this. All the negative thoughts were whirling in her head.

And there was that feeling in her stomach again.

She jumped from the table quickly as Harry and Ron followed suit.

"Hermione, you coming with us to the common room?" Harry asked.

"Have to read!" she said quickly before nearly running from the Great Hall, leaving behind many stares from her fellow Gryffindors. Her stomach revolted against her just as she made her way into the girl's bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione felt utterly sick. She had read book after book about coping with morning sickness during her first trimester, but nothing was preparing her for this. It was more than just morning sickness… it was afternoon sickness and night sickness. And she was most definitely not enjoying it.

Just the day before in Potions, Parvarti's perfume was so strong that she threw up in Professor Snape's trashcan next to his desk. Not only did she get a zero for the day's potion, but she also had detention that night sorting and labeling potion ingredients through dinner.

And obviously, Harry and Ron were concerned that something was wrong with her. It was unlike Hermione to be sick… and to be getting zeros on class assignments.

"I said I don't want any!"

Both Ron and Harry looked at her, eyebrows raised as she glared at them from the other side of the lunch table. Ron stopped trying to shove the turkey leg into her hand and, instead, put it into his mouth.

"Geez, Hermione," Ron said distastefully. "We just thought if you had the flu or whatever, you needed to eat something."

When Harry gave her that look, she crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't have the flu. It's just allergies. I'll get over it."

She wanted to say, "Why do you care?" but she ignored the urge. She was sure Ron knew something was up with her, that there was a reason why she had seemed so angry with him since they'd been back at Hogwarts.

But she definitely wasn't going to explain it to him. He didn't deserve it, not if he was going to pretend the entire night didn't exist. The thought made her blood boil.

Harry, sensing the tension, changed the subject. "Did you have your appointment with McGonagall today? You never told us how it went. I'm sure you don't have to worry about anything though. You have more than enough marks to be an Auror. McGonagall says I have to take Advanced Potions next year," he said with a scoff. "No way Professor Snape will let me without an O on my Potion's OWL, and I really don't see that happening."

Hermione gave him a sympathetic look. "You'll do fine, Harry. I'll help you study, okay? Look, I've already got a bunch of note cards made up in my room. I'll get them for you after my detention and we'll all study!"

She didn't notice both boys go green at the face. Harry, who looked down dejectedly at his plate, mumbled a quick thanks.

"But anyway, my appointment went terrible," she said. "I have absolutely no idea what I want to be, so Professor McGonagall signed me up to be Madame Pomfrey's assistant for the rest of the year. She seems to think it'll help me 'find my way'."

Both Harry and Ron stared at her.

"You don't want to be an Auror anymore?" Harry said sadly.

Hermione instantly felt guilty at the look he was giving her. She knew he had thought she was going to by side through this entire war, and she was… but she didn't exactly know how that was going to work at the moment, not with what she was going through. She needed time to plan, but for once in her life, she felt like a mess. She couldn't figure anything out, and both boys could tell that this was definitely not the Hermione they had come to know.

"I'm sorry, Harry," she said. "It's just not for me."

He didn't say anything as Ron continued to look at her in shock.

This had been their plan. She couldn't take the pressure.

"I've got to go. Head Girl duties. I'll bring the note cards by the common room tonight," she said before quickly gathering up her books and making her way out of the Great Hall.

* * *

Hermione spent the rest of her time that day in classes, where both of her friends ignored her. And she didn't have the guts to say anything else to them, not when she knew there was nothing she could do to make them feel better. What was she supposed to do? They didn't understand… and they never would. Atleast not for now.

The idea of them knowing her secret at some point though made her cringe. She hated thinking about it.

She had been reading a bunch of books about pregnancy in the Wizarding world that she had bought from Diagon Alley before they had arrived at Hogwarts.

Apparently, abortion was very much looked down upon, not that she had even considered that as an option.

And as much as adoption was praised, it was rare. She had thought a lot about this option, but for some reason, she couldn't force herself to look into it more. She didn't know why, and she didn't even know much about this baby growing inside of her, but she already knew that she couldn't give it up.

She was just on her way up to her room to get her note cards after detention when she was pulled by her arm into a deserted corner of the hallway.

"Harry's upset," Ron said simply.

She felt flushed. Ron was way too close to her for comfort. His body was radiating a heat that reminded her of that night and she pulled away, her heart racing.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know what to do, but I can't help it."

Ron nodded.

"I know. I don't blame you, Hermione. But you know, I thought about it, and I think this is a good thing."

She stared at him, unsure. "Why?"

"Because this way is safer, you know? I don't know what we would have done without you all these years, but we care about you too much for something bad to happen to you. Harry can't see that now, but he will. I think he's going to feel a lot better knowing that you'll be safe."

She didn't exactly know what to say. Ron was acting… so completely unlike Ron. This wasn't the Ron she had gotten drunk with this summer. What changed? He was acting so mature… and caring. And that was throwing her through a whirlwind. What was he thinking? Did he like her after all?

But then she thought about that night and she was sure he couldn't like her. He obviously felt horrible about what he did to the point of ignoring it all together.

And then the anger was back and she shoved the image of him kissing her into the back of her mind and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Just because I don't want to be an Auror doesn't mean that I'm not going to help you guys," she said heatedly, and she knew Ron instantly felt the tension. "So, if that's what you were hoping for, we'll you're surely mistaken. And if that means that I won't be safe, well so be it. It's my decision, Ronald Weasley, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it."

Ron stared at her, eyes wide. If he had known about her pregnancy, he probably would have just called it a mood swing and left the subject alone.

"Hermione, I didn't mean-"

"Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go to my room."

With that, she walked away as Ron watched her in shock.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, shaking his head. "What did I do?"

* * *

A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. I'm not the biggest fan of it for some reason, so if you feel the same, I think I will do a rewrite and a repost. :) Also, if you want to know when I'll be writing/uploading for this story in advance, please follow me on Twitter at AshleyMarieTV2. And tweet me so that I know who you are!


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